Happy May 24th, the day the greatest song-writer of all time was born. Today, the amazing Bob Dylan turns 69 years old. Do I really have to go into detailed praise of this man, whom I love so much? Currently I don’t very much feel like needing to prove to you his greatness (if you don’t get it, you are missing out). Let’s skip past all the different musical conversational possibilities when dealing with Dylan, (there need’s to be a Dylan themed ‘Table Topics’ asap); acoustic vs. electric, folk vs. blues, fav live album, fav duet, fav 80s album, Christian Dylan, Jewish Dylan, 2000s Dylan, XM radio Dylan, fav bootleg volume, etc… What I decided to do on this wonderful coffee charged morning, other than listen to his discography in chronological order, is try to find awesome Bob Dylan t-shirts online (that is kind of our specialty). This proved to be a somewhat difficult task. For one, there are way too many cheapster zazzle/cafe press type of shirts out there that makes sifting through the web a pain in the ass… I’d rather make my own t-shirt than waste money on one of these, because despite their cheap quality, I couldn’t even find one that was at least aesthetically pleasing. Finally, I stumbled onto Lucky Brand, quickly remembering a Bob Dylan t-shirt I own from them. It’s not that great, but I am a big vintage concert poster fan. This is the first one I found online, and I think it’s pretty awesome:

It was only I fell in love with this shirt, that I found out that it is a kids size, and out of stock. Don’t you hate it when that happens? However, with the search, Lucky redircted me to this one (get it here):

and this one, you can get here (On sale):

I like both of these. The first with its creative use of the lyrics from Mr. Tambourine Man to create a nice rustic picture (only his shnoz looks a bit Ringo-eque). The second features a faint picture of the later, black shade, afro-sporting, ‘Don’t Look Back’ Dylan. My only beef is that I would rather not see the text of Dylan at the bottom. If you don’t know it’s Dylan, that’s your problem.

I also found this Bob Dylan tee, which I am still unsure of exactly how I feel about, from artiitii.com :

There is also this shirt, from the official Bob Dylan site:

and this one, on which I love the back, but the front completely ruins it (I am really not a fan of that new Dylan ‘eye’ emblem that he uses):

However, the best Dylan tees, in my opinion, are the vintage concert tees, if you want to spend the big bucks, check out some on Ebay . My favorite, having to be:

And so we come to the end of this wonderful Bob Dylan search, and I am still left feeling a bit unsatisfied. I may have missed a cool shirt hiding somewhere on the internet, but in general, the designer iconic rock figure shirt seems to be a rarity, which is really quite a shame. I don’t like my rock shirts to be cheap, sticky prints, that look like they were made in a basement for 20 cents a pop. I feel there’s a lot of creativity that can be infused into making a rock shirt, but I couldn’t find it out there.

Last but not least, I can’t let you go without putting a song up! However, I was unable to put up one of my favorite Bobby songs, Maggie’s Farm live from Newport version (so much better than original, Bloomfield kills it on the guitar!) So, I decided to put up this hilarious clip from the incredible Scorsese documentary, No Direction Home.

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When it comes to abstract art, there are only two schools, and both hate each other (and in a movie they would battle it out in a bicycle, car or ski race, karate match, or surf battle). The one side completely dismisses abstract art as nonsensical, untalented, meaningless and that it basically resembles a drawing hanging on a refrigerator that was done by a 2 year old with his fingers who may have swallowed some paint in the process. While the other side of spectrum praises abstract art because it can bypass literal perception and reach into the otherwise impenetrable world of unconscious emotion. That’s cool. I like to think of myself as respecting both parties for their talents and their beliefs; however, I should note that when I see a modern abstract painting of some random shape selling for ridiculous sums of money, it is a bit disconcerting. Nevertheless, at the end of the day some of these art professors, that may come off as pretentious bullshiters, have been studying their Jackson Pollock and Wassily Kandinsky for a long time, so there has to be something to what they preach. …Anywho, I’m in the business of t-shirts and in that belongs art, randomness and nonsense, and it looks great. So whether this image looks like a weird pirate, a dirty peacock or absolutely nothing, it’s still dope (cause I said it is) and also because the website’s cool enticer “super eye-catcher for the next night out at the club or bar hopping”, how do you say no to that?

From Marc by Marc Jacobs, get it here

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Nothing says Howdy Doody like a bare midriff and big breasts—Fun Bags. Cha-Chas. Winnebagos. Devil’s Dumplings. Milk Jugs. Gazongas. Coconuts. Melons. Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Ninnies. Speed Bumps. Splazoingas. Squachies. Wopbopaloobops. Whimwhams— Oh, where is my mind? Back to the topic at hand, there is plenty more to discuss. Like that haircut for which I have no defense; half mullet, half bouffant? It is also very important to notice the keen, sangfroid nature about her pose as she leans on her car (not sure what type, could be a dune buggy?) and her eyes strike you. This shirt encapsulate that spirit of the 70s when women could unabashedly show off the goods and everything was just dandy, Daisy Dukes anyone? To complete the throwback aura of the shirt there is this small detail on the back:

Not necessarily saying she is nice and easy, just that whole 70s freewheeling vibe is. Note: it kills me that this image might be from a show or movie and I am unaware of it, so if you have any information, please comment.

From KING KRASH, get it here

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It was just this past weekend when someone, upon seeing my Mickey Mouse watch, commented negatively on it and sparked a small confrontation. It was in this argument with this silly person that I realized that too many people take themselves way too seriously. Now, I have no problem with someone who chooses to not sport cartoon characters on their wrist, but to be so adamantly against somebody else doing is so fickle and frivolous. There’s a lot we as humans can learn from cartoons and if we let our inflated egos and false notions of our ‘mature’ selves blindly lead us, we ignore so many beautiful things. Yes, you have to ‘grow up’ eventually but if we forget the innocence and unadulterated mirth of childhood and let the cynical ideology of being a grown up engulf us, then we lose that idealistic nature of wanting to do things differently, of not wanting to be just another spoke in this life wheel of the drudgery by being an another nobody in the sea of nobodies. Oh, the t-shirt. It’s just amazing. Despite the sick navy stripes which I think are the ‘must-have’ look for this upcoming spring, but the big, bold and sexy image of the pirate Donald Duck on the front, badass.

From JC de Castelbajac S/S 2010 line, get it here

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This is one stud of a fly (Kafka meets Buddy Holly); the classy tux, the proper pocket square, the sexy 50s Fender, the bolo tie(!!!) and the suede Bob Dylan’s! …Speaking of flies: Goldbloom. Rourke playing Bukowski. Mr. Miyagi. First rapper of all time Blowfly. Lord of the _… Now when it comes to text on tees, I am almost strongly against it. It is usually a way for somebody to try to make up for their lack of a personality and a sense of humor. However, there are times when I just don’t get it, and then I am really unsure of how to feel. The latter is the case here. Is music the new bug extermination? Are flies going to take over the planet through Rock & Roll? Fun fact, flies vomit on your food when they land on it, but it is not that which spreads diseases but the fact that their feet carry along with them the nasty shit they have been on top of all day (poop). But flies aren’t all that bad cause Chubby Checker says so; not as popular as the ‘Pony time’ or “The Twist’ but incredible nevertheless (and a great case study of funny white people):

From ALAKAZAM, get it here

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I had to do it. This shirt just makes me crack up every time I look at it. It really takes being a Peeping Tom to a level of comedic awesomeness. The great stuck-out tongue that serves to show the Peeping Tom’s panting sexual enthrallment as well as serving to lighten up the entire shirt (a creepy peeping tom is just a step away from rapist, and that has no humorous value). The great part about the shirt is that from a distance it is fairly innocent, but upon a closer inspection, boom! she’s naked! And how much more fitting for the title of this greatness than ‘Peeping Pervert’. However, before you begin to judge, remember James Stewart and his broken leg solved a murder mystery peeping out his window. And it was George McFly’s Peeping Tom tendencies that had him meet his future wife Lorraine, of course that was until Marty had to go back into the past and screw everything up. But even more hilariously, how great is the situation where you just look out your window, and there is a beautiful woman in the window across the street, can you be blamed for looking?

From Pleasure Principle, get it here

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Unless you are Slick Rick, you keep your accessories to the essentials; watch, tie, cufflinks, and shades (and obviously an assortment of shoes). You should never be wearing the same thing as other people, especially sunglasses. In regards with what is popular, cool things will always be cool (I say ‘always’ very cautiously). Trends are usually just a recycled coolness from the past that was just forgotten, or something that makes you turn around half a year later and shake your head in embarrassment of having followed it. When picking sunglasses it is all about what works for you. I don’t care how awesome some shades are, if they don’t work for you, don’t force it.

The spring/summer line of ‘W’ shades from Retro Super Future are ridiculously dope. However, the ones that stand out the most in awesomeness are the pictured ‘Summer Safari’. Don’t feel it necessary to go out and get yourself a pith helmet, hunt zebras or ride around in a Wrangler, but they do have that African sunset, organic feel to them. It is the smooth brown mixed with the almost (but thankfully not) leopard print, that takes these glasses to the next level. The actual shape that resists any curves and has a flat top is just the perfect mix of old school retro and futuristic. Smooth. Shades are an essential for the Spring and Summer, so make sure to keep it fresh.

From Retro Super Future, get in here and check out other colors here

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The skull shirt has been around for a while now, brought to fame by the ever-so-talented Alexander McQueen. The problem with the skull tee is that normally, most renditions pretty much suck. The moment I think of a skull t-shirt, I imagine myself in the house of Jersey Shore being sponsored by Ed Hardy with a bunch of meat heads arguing over whose rhinestone studded rose petal is stretched out more around the biceps. This might sound entertaining at first glance, but just about the time they argue about a drunk push-up contest but decide they don’t want to redo their blow-outs before going out to the vocal-trance dance party (which is probably a good idea because head sweat and hair gel can cause blindness when mixed), I realize my problem with where the skull t-shirt has been driven.

Luckily (for the skull shirt phenomenon), just when I was about to write off skull tees for eternity, I stumbled across these two by the grungy, vintage & rock n’ roll inspired designer: Bolongaro Trevor.  What I like about these shirts is that the skull isn’t the main focus.  There is an image exploding off of the shirt, and the first thing you think of, especially when close up, is not skull.  I mean take for example the Philippe Halsman’s In Voluptas Mors inspired “Sexy Skull” (as they call it) on the left.  It’s a big pile of women with black skin and white nipples.  My firsts thought is: where can I find me a woman with white nipples?  Then I pay attention to the synchronized swimming-esque poses these sexy young ladies are making.  Then, and only then, do I realize that their poses are with purpose and create a skull.  And finally, I notice that their feet make for one crooked-ass smile, in need of an emergency visit to the dentist.  Don’t even get me started on the other shirt.  Not only is it yellow, which is a great color you don’t see much anymore in the t-shirt world, but the skull is entirely made up of junk, and I love junk!

And now to bring this thing to a whole new level I would have to bet Bolongaro Trevor never even thought up.  What is it that mostly fills up men’s heads? BITCHES WITH WHITE NIPPLES and ALL KINDS OF JUNK! BAM!! You can call me Emeril cause I just spiced this shit up!  Get the “Sexy Skull” here and the “Junk Skull” here

In postscript, a great movie that happened to come into mind yesterday that includes lots of junk, sweet ass in the form of Demi Moore, and the antics of Chevy Chase, John Candy and Dan Akroyd: Nothing But Trouble . Watch the trailer, then watch the movie.

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Little Anthony & The Imperials – Shimmy Shimmy Ko-Ko-Bop

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The art of the bench seat, like all great old things, has been forgotten. The ancient days when you could sit three up front so nobody is left out of the conversation. Also great for not needing to spend the additional time to jump in the back seat (and you have easy access to control the radio). This shirt models the bench seat in the best way, using a hot girl wearing barely anything. The black and white really captures that vintage aura and all the additional features (the double picture, the thunder effect, the weird writing at the bottom) is just artsy stuff that adds a level of abstractness to make it look cooler. I am not really sure what ‘truth hurts’ refers to, but I’m sure it’s got something to do with birth control. Finally, the tire mark on the back is entirely unnecessary. Entirely.

From Kinetix, get it here

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